100 Proof
Young Whiskey Dickel joins the rodeo
EXT. FAIRGROUND - DAY - 1988
Far away from carnival activity, TOBY, a guileless rodeo clown clutching a sidehorn, has been slammed against a gate wall by a redneck delinquent named WES. With his free hand, Wes wields an unopened switchblade.
Two posters are plastered on the wall beside Toby:
Poster #1: The Int’l cowgirl logo with words reading “Reese Weise presents NEVA DIRTDOBBER And The International Cowgirls of the Wild Pink All Gal Rodeo performing one night only at the Camp Doughboy Fairgrounds. Pine Blossom, Arkansas. Gen Admin.”
Poster #2: The photo of a baby sucking on a pacifier. It reads “Missing! Have you seen this baby?”
WES: Gimmee the horn, clowny.
Toby holds tight to the sidehorn.
TOBY: S’not mine. It’s Bobo’s horn.
Wes snaps open the switchblade.
WES: I will cut your painted ass. Give it here.
Wes pokes Toby’s red nose with the tip of his switchblade.
VOICE (O.S.): Hey, Greaseball!
WHISKEY DICKEL (20) smacks Wes in the face with her suitcase.
Wes drops hard, kissing dirt.
Whiskey stands over him, shaking her head.
WHISKEY: Blame THAT on society.
Toby taps Whiskey’s shoulder.
TOBY: Hello. My name is Toby. I think I know you. I know you from my dreams, but I don’t know your name. You could be an Alice, or you might be a Shirley.
WHISKEY turns to face TOBY. Three of Wes’s angry redneck friends, JIMBO, HANK and BIG ROY, come up behind Toby.
TOBY: I knew someone named Maria Louisa Raphaella DeMarco...
Big Roy looks down at his fallen friend Wes, then slowly raises his head to glare at Whiskey.
BIG ROY: Eeew Whee!
Eyes locked on Whiskey, Big Roy adjusts/cracks his neck. Krrk!
BIG ROY: This here’s gonna cost you, bitch
SHOWDOWN! Whiskey strikes a wrestling pose.
WHISKEY: Bring it on, hotdog!
Big Roy pushes Toby (still rambling) aside.
TOBY: But you really don’t look much like a Maria.
Whiskey and Big Roy scrap. She’s too agile for the big lug, but he keeps swinging.
TOBY (rambles on): I’m partial to the name Dot or Dotty. You could even use a period for a signature. (laughing, mimes signing with a dot) Dot!
Whiskey lands a Popeye punch that sends Big Roy flying.
As Big Roy hits the ground, Whiskey turns to face Jimbo and Hank. She threatens them with a feint.
They flinch, then hold their hands up and back away.
WHISKEY: Thought so.
Whiskey scowls at Jimbo and Hank as they drag their injured friends from the scene. After they’ve gone, she turns her attention back to Toby.
She spits in her hand, then offers it to Toby.
Whiskey and Toby shake hands.
WHISKEY: Whiskey.
TOBY: Never touch the stuff. It burns my throat. But Professor, well, he has been known to drink a snifter of brandy before showtime. Now and again.
Whiskey is not sure what to think of Toby.
Toby shows Whiskey the sidehorn in his hand.
TOBY: This is Bobo’s horn.
Toby squeezes its plastic bulb and the horn lets out a terrible HONK!
TOBY: Don’t tell him I have it, okay?
WHISKEY: Sure thing. You know, maybe you could help me out. Are you acquainted with Mr. Bubba Smiley?
Whiskey leans down to pick up her suitcase. But when she rises, Toby has disappeared.
WHISKEY (shakes her head): Funny little fella.
A NARRATOR with a British accent provides voice-over commentary as Whiskey totes her suitcase through the main entrance to the carnival fairgrounds. Missing children posters are everywhere.
NARRATOR (V.O.): Miss Whiskey Dickel had inadvertently discovered the home of homeless things, shiftless carnies, alimony jumpers, bucking ponies, livestock perfume, cotton candy kids, longnecks, longhorns, inflated hair and forgotten cow punchers.
TO BE CONTINUED . . .
Whiskey Dickel, Int’l Cowgirl © Mark Scott Ricketts and Mike Hawthorne
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